from the ashes i will burn again [morr + ten]

first, it felt like a dream. I had been with my Court only hours before. We were having drinks and for once, I found myself laughing. I found myself proud of who we became and all that we could become. We had seen hardship and destruction, even long before I had come to Novus. I think we were starting to become a family, even with some of the broken pieces still remaining.

I had just curled up next to Bram and Maeve. I remember seeing the moon high in the sky before I closed my eyes.

I expected to see the sun when I woke up, but there was only darkness. It was cold. It was quiet. It was dead.

I was dead.

Or so I thought. I was still breathing. I could still feel the fire in my lungs, if not more so because I was screaming. I was stuck in a void with no control.

I closed my eyes again, hoping maybe I'd wake up from this nightmare. Reset everything and go back to reality. Except, when I did open my eyes again, I ended up here. Wherever this place is, it's not Novus and I'm not dreaming. It's too real for that. I've already cut my ankles on all the thorns I walked through and let them bleed. The pain is too real for this to be a dream.

It still feels like a nightmare and I am alone. Maeve, Bram, Tenebrae, Ipomoea, Elena, Azrael, Aspara, August, Moira- they were all gone. I don't know if I'll ever see them again.

And now I'm here. This in-between, this liminal space where time works differently. In fact, I'm not even sure if time exists here. What seems like days might only just be a few minutes of me wandering through this forest of thorns. They are twisting and curling around me like a devil's snare. There are trees too, somehow taller than any I've ever seen. The leaves look like eyes that stare at me, mocking me and all my failures.

It wouldn't surprise me if this was another one of Caligo's tricks. Maybe that's all this had been- to make me think I was getting somewhere and could be someone more. To let me think I had found a family, a true family, only to rip that right out from under me.

I can feel the anger rising like water about to boil. My blood certainly is. This is something more than I've felt before. My entire world has been taken from me and-

And I just want to destroy. To consume. To become the fire that is me, that has always been, that they tried to take away from me. I won't let them this time because they've taken enough.

Maeve.

My heart hurts and my head is splitting, but I ignore it. Within seconds, I've ignited a fire so large, it could perhaps consume this whole world (and I hope it does). I hope everything burns and feels the pain I feel. The pain I scream for only my own ears to hear because there's nothing left.

The entire forest is ablaze and I think I can hear the thorns hissing like snakes from its touch. Good fucking riddance, all of it, I think and maybe now the universe will see the destruction I'm capable of. Maybe anyone will think twice to cross me and to take anything from me.

So it seems like terrible timing when I hear footsteps. When I spin around, I'm greeted by a ghost. I don't know if I feel relief, anger or more pain.

"Tenebrae," I say, although it's more of a whisper. I'm choking on the rest of the words because I don't know what to think. I don't want to start hoping that everyone is still alive and got dropped here too. I don't want my mind to get carried away with thoughts like that because it won't stop.

I just want to burn.